Job Interviews:
You know what really nails my hairy butt to the floor?  Job interviews.  Like you go to one and everybody thinks you should want the job real bad.  Shucks, the only reason I wanted one is just to keep from getting throwed outta my trailer in the cold dead of winter time in the middle of the night.  I lived in a cardboard box in the dead of winter and I aint particularly partial to it.  It’s really bad when you goes to take a dumps and it plum freezes to your backside.  Then ya has to chisel it off with an ice pick.  So you just goes to the job interview and tells them what you thinks they wants ta hear.  You just tells them that you aint gonna drink too much on the jawb and you won’t be too late everyday and that sorta stuff.