// Author:Brandon Checketts
// Homepage: http://www.apeleon.net/~microbit/brandon.html
// Email: Brandon@microbits.com
// For this script and more, visit http://wsabstract.com

numQuotes=400;
quoteArray = new Array(numQuotes);
quoteArray[0]="\"Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.\"  -W.C. Fields";
quoteArray[1]="\"A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[2]="\"Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[3]="\"Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[4]="\"Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[5]="\"I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[6]="\"I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[7]="\"I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[8]="\"I drink therefore I am.\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[9]="\"Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[10]="\"Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[11]="\"I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[12]="\"I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[13]="\"I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[14]="\"I never met a kid I liked. \"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[15]="\"I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[16]="\"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[17]="\"If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[18]="\"If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[19]="\"Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[20]="\"All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[21]="\"It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[22]="\"It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[23]="\"Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[24]="\"Never give a sucker an even break.\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[25]="\"Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[26]="\"No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[27]="\"Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[28]="\"Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[29]="\"Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[30]="\"Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[31]="\"Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[32]="\"Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[33]="\"Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[34]="\"Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[35]="\"Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[36]="\"Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[37]="\"The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[38]="\"The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[39]="\"The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[40]="\"The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[41]="\"The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[42]="\"There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.\"  -W.C. Fields"
quoteArray[43]="\"A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.\"  -Milton Berle"
quoteArray[44]="\"Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.\"  -Milton Berle"
quoteArray[45]="\"I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.\"  -Milton Berle"
quoteArray[46]="\"If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?\"  -Milton Berle"
quoteArray[47]="\"Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient.\"  -Milton Berle"
quoteArray[48]="\"The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.\"  -Milton Berle"
quoteArray[49]="\"We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.\"  -Milton Berle"
quoteArray[50]="\"You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.\"  -Milton Berle"
quoteArray[51]="\"A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.\"  -Bob Hope"
quoteArray[52]="\"A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.\"  -Bob Hope"
quoteArray[53]="\"A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?\"  -Bob Hope"
quoteArray[54]="\"Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.\"  -Bob Hope"
quoteArray[55]="\"I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.\"  -Bob Hope"
quoteArray[56]="\"I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap.\"  -Bob Hope"
quoteArray[57]="\"I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom.\"  -Bob Hope"
quoteArray[58]="\"I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.\"  -Bob Hope"
quoteArray[59]="\"I like to play in the low 70's. If it gets any hotter than that I'll stay in the bar!\"  -Bob Hope"
quoteArray[60]="\"I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.\"  -Bob Hope"
quoteArray[61]="\"If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.\"  -Bob Hope"
quoteArray[62]="\"Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.\"  -Bob Hope"
quoteArray[63]="\"People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.\"  -Bob Hope"
quoteArray[64]="\"She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.\"  -Bob Hope"
quoteArray[65]="\"The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.\"  -Bob Hope"
quoteArray[66]="\"The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.\"  -Bob Hope"
quoteArray[67]="\"The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.\"  -Bob Hope"
quoteArray[68]="\"When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in.\"  -Bob Hope"
quoteArray[69]="\"You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.\"  -Bob Hope"
quoteArray[70]="\"A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.\"  -Groucho Marx "
quoteArray[71]="\"A man's only as old as the woman he feels.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[72]="\"A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[73]="\"Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[74]="\"All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[75]="\"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[76]="\"Before I speak, I have something important to say.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[77]="\"Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[78]="\"Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[79]="\"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[80]="\"Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[81]="\"Humor is reason gone mad.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[82]="\"I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[83]="\"I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[84]="\"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[85]="\"I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[86]="\"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[87]="\"I intend to live forever, or die trying.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[88]="\"I must confess, I was born at a very early age.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[89]="\"I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[90]="\"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[91]="\"I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[92]="\"I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[93]="\"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[94]="\"I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[95]="\"I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[96]="\"I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[97]="\"If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[98]="\"If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[99]="\"In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[100]="\"Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[101]="\"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[102]="\"Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[103]="\"My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[104]="\"My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[105]="\"Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[106]="\"No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[107]="\"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[108]="\"Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[109]="\"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[110]="\"Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[111]="\"Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[112]="\"Room service? Send up a larger room.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[113]="\"She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[114]="\"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[115]="\"There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, Yes, you know he is a crook.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[116]="\"Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[117]="\"Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[118]="\"Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[119]="\"Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[120]="\"Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[121]="\"Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.\"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[122]="\"Women should be obscene and not heard. \"  -Groucho Marx"
quoteArray[123]="\"Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.\"  -Jack Benny"
quoteArray[124]="\"Gags die, humor doesn't.\"  -Jack Benny"
quoteArray[125]="\"Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.\"  -Jack Benny"
quoteArray[126]="\"Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.\"  -Jack Benny"
quoteArray[127]="\"I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.\"  -Jack Benny"
quoteArray[128]="\"I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too.\"  -Jack Benny"
quoteArray[129]="\"It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.\"  -Jack Benny"
quoteArray[130]="\"My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.\"  -Jack Benny"
quoteArray[131]="\"A girl phoned me the other day and said... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield "
quoteArray[132]="\"At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[133]="\"I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[134]="\"I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[135]="\"I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[136]="\"I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[137]="\"I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[138]="\"I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[139]="\"I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[140]="\"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[141]="\"I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[142]="\"I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[143]="\"I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[144]="\"I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[145]="\"I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[146]="\"I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[147]="\"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[148]="\"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[149]="\"I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[150]="\"I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[151]="\"I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[152]="\"I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[153]="\"I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[154]="\"If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[155]="\"It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[156]="\"Life is just a bowl of pits.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[157]="\"Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[158]="\"Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[159]="\"My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[160]="\"My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[161]="\"My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[162]="\"My mother had morning sickness after I was born.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[163]="\"My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[164]="\"My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[165]="\"My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[166]="\"My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[167]="\"My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[168]="\"My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[169]="\"My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[170]="\"My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[171]="\"My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[172]="\"On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[173]="\"One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[174]="\"Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[175]="\"The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[176]="\"This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[177]="\"We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[178]="\"What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[179]="\"What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[180]="\"When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[181]="\"When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[182]="\"When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[183]="\"With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[184]="\"With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[185]="\"Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'\"  -Rodney Dangerfield"
quoteArray[186]="\"Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.\"  -George Burns"
quoteArray[187]="\"At my age flowers scare me.\"  -George Burns"
quoteArray[188]="\"Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.\"  -George Burns"
quoteArray[189]="\"Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.\"  -George Burns"
quoteArray[190]="\"First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.\"  -George Burns"
quoteArray[191]="\"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.\"  -George Burns"
quoteArray[192]="\"Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.\"  -George Burns"
quoteArray[193]="\"How can I die? I'm booked.\"  -George Burns"
quoteArray[194]="\"I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.\"  -George Burns"
quoteArray[195]="\"I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.\"  -George Burns"
quoteArray[196]="\"I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.\"  -George Burns"
quoteArray[197]="\"I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.\"  -George Burns"
quoteArray[198]="\"I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.\"  -George Burns"
quoteArray[199]="\"I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.\"  -George Burns"
quoteArray[200]="\"I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.\"  -George Burns"
quoteArray[201]="\"If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it.\"  -George Burns"
quoteArray[202]="\"If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.\"  -George Burns"
quoteArray[203]="\"If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.\"  -George Burns"
quoteArray[204]="\"It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.\"  -George Burns"
quoteArray[205]="\"Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.\"  -George Burns"
quoteArray[206]="\"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope\"  -George Burns"
quoteArray[207]="\"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.\"  -George Burns"
quoteArray[208]="\"This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.\"  -George Burns"
quoteArray[209]="\"Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.\"  -George Burns"
quoteArray[210]="\"When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.\"  -George Burns"
quoteArray[211]="\"You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.\"  -George Burns"
quoteArray[212]="\"You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.\"  -George Burns"
quoteArray[213]="\"Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.\"  -Jackie Mason "
quoteArray[214]="\"I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.\"  -Jackie Mason"
quoteArray[215]="\"If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck.\"  -Jackie Mason"
quoteArray[216]="\"It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.\"  -Jackie Mason"
quoteArray[217]="\"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.\"  -Jackie Mason"
quoteArray[218]="\"How I Love Lucy was born? We decided that instead of divorce lawyers profiting from our mistakes, we'd profit from them.\"  -Lucille Ball "
quoteArray[219]="\"I regret the passing of the studio system. I was very appreciative of it because I had no talent.\"  -Lucille Ball "
quoteArray[220]="\"I'm not funny. What I am is brave.\"  -Lucille Ball "
quoteArray[221]="\"Once in his life, every man is entitled to fall madly in love with a gorgeous redhead.\"  -Lucille Ball "
quoteArray[222]="\"The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.\"  -Lucille Ball "
quoteArray[223]="\"Use a make-up table with everything close at hand and don't rush; otherwise you'll look like a patchwork quilt.\"  -Lucille Ball "
quoteArray[224]="\"Women's Lib? Oh, I'm afraid it doesn't interest me one bit. I've been so liberated it hurts.\"  -Lucille Ball "
quoteArray[225]="\"You see much more of your children once they leave home.\"  -Lucille Ball "
quoteArray[226]="\"A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.\"  -Henny Youngman "
quoteArray[227]="\"A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[228]="\"A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[229]="\"Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[230]="\"How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put page 2.\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[231]="\"I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[232]="\"I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[233]="\"I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[234]="\"I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[235]="\"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[236]="\"I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[237]="\"I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[238]="\"I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[239]="\"If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[240]="\"If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope.\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[241]="\"If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[242]="\"Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[243]="\"My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[244]="\"My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[245]="\"My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[246]="\"My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[247]="\"My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first! \"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[248]="\"My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[249]="\"She has a wash and wear bridal gown.\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[250]="\"She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[251]="\"She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[252]="\"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. \"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[253]="\"The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[254]="\"The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. \"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[255]="\"There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[256]="\"This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[257]="\"This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[258]="\"This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[259]="\"Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[260]="\"What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[261]="\"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[262]="\"When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[263]="\"While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[264]="\"Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[265]="\"Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[266]="\"Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[267]="\"You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[268]="\"You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[269]="\"You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[270]="\"You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.\"  -Henny Youngman"
quoteArray[271]="\"If I lose show business - I'll really be an orphan!\"  -Red Buttons"
quoteArray[272]="\"Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.\"  -Red Buttons"
quoteArray[273]="\"Then, there was Cary Grant. He spent three hours a week in hospitals teaching nervous people how to eat jello.\"  -Red Buttons"
quoteArray[274]="\"There is only one goal. That's to keep working and keep flossing.\"  -Red Buttons"
quoteArray[275]="\"When people ask me if Dean Martin drank, let me put it this way. If Dracula bit Dean in the neck, he'd get a Bloody Mary.\"  -Red Buttons"
quoteArray[276]="\"I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.\"  -Bob Newhart "
quoteArray[277]="\"It's getting harder and harder to differentiate between schizophrenics and people talking on a cell phone. It still brings me up short to walk by somebody who appears to be talking to themselves.\"  -Bob Newhart "
quoteArray[278]="\"This stammer got me a home in Beverly Hills, and I'm not about to screw with it now.\"  -Bob Newhart "
quoteArray[279]="\"Jack Benny was, without a doubt, the bravest comedian I have ever seen work. He wasn't afraid of silence. He would take as long as it took to tell the story.\"  -Bob Newhart "
quoteArray[280]="\"I was influenced by every comedian I ever saw work. That's the only way you learn how to do it.\"  -Bob Newhart "
quoteArray[281]="\"Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.\"  -Bill Cosby"
quoteArray[282]="\"Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them.\"  -Bill Cosby"
quoteArray[283]="\"Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.\"  -Bill Cosby"
quoteArray[284]="\"Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.\"  -Bill Cosby"
quoteArray[285]="\"Gray hair is God's graffiti.\"  -Bill Cosby"
quoteArray[286]="\"Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.\"  -Bill Cosby"
quoteArray[287]="\"Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.\"  -Bill Cosby"
quoteArray[288]="\"I am certainly not an authority on love because there are no authorities on love, just those who've had luck with it and those who haven't.\"  -Bill Cosby"
quoteArray[289]="\"I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.\"  -Bill Cosby"
quoteArray[290]="\"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.\"  -Bill Cosby"
quoteArray[291]="\"I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.\"  -Bill Cosby"
quoteArray[292]="\"I wasn't always black... there was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger.\"  -Bill Cosby"
quoteArray[293]="\"If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.\"  -Bill Cosby"
quoteArray[294]="\"Immortality is a long shot, I admit. But somebody has to be first.\"  -Bill Cosby"
quoteArray[295]="\"In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.\"  -Bill Cosby"
quoteArray[296]="\"It isn't a matter of black is beautiful as much as it is white is not all that's beautiful.\"  -Bill Cosby"
quoteArray[297]="\"Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.\"  -Bill Cosby"
quoteArray[298]="\"Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.\"  -Bill Cosby"
quoteArray[299]="\"Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its infancy.\"  -Bill Cosby"
quoteArray[300]="\"My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own fatherhood, but it didn't because parenting can only be learned by people who have no children.\"  -Bill Cosby"
quoteArray[301]="\"No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.\"  -Bill Cosby"
quoteArray[302]="\"Nothing I've ever done has given me more joys and rewards than being a father to my children.\"  -Bill Cosby"
quoteArray[303]="\"Nothing separates the generations more than music. By the time a child is eight or nine, he has developed a passion for his own music that is even stronger than his passions for procrastination and weird clothes.\"  -Bill Cosby"
quoteArray[304]="\"Old is always fifteen years from now.\"  -Bill Cosby"
quoteArray[305]="\"Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet.\"  -Bill Cosby"
quoteArray[306]="\"People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what's bitter and move on.\"  -Bill Cosby"
quoteArray[307]="\"Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die.\"  -Bill Cosby"
quoteArray[308]="\"Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business in which no cumulative wisdom is gained: each generation repeats the mistakes the previous one made.\"  -Bill Cosby"
quoteArray[309]="\"Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.\"  -Bill Cosby"
quoteArray[310]="\"That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle that the Vatican has overlooked.\"  -Bill Cosby"
quoteArray[311]="\"The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that we reluctantly shared with traffic.\"  -Bill Cosby"
quoteArray[312]="\"The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods.\"  -Bill Cosby"
quoteArray[313]="\"The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it.\"  -Bill Cosby"
quoteArray[314]="\"The past is a ghost, the future a dream, and all we ever have is now.\"  -Bill Cosby"
quoteArray[315]="\"The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet.\"  -Bill Cosby"
quoteArray[316]="\"There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.\"  -Bill Cosby"
quoteArray[317]="\"There is no labor a person does that is undignified; if they do it right.\"  -Bill Cosby"
quoteArray[318]="\"When you become senile, you won't know it.\"  -Bill Cosby"
quoteArray[319]="\"Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice.\"  -Bill Cosby"
quoteArray[320]="\"You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who've never had any.\"  -Bill Cosby"
quoteArray[321]="\"Anybody can direct, but there are only eleven good writers.\"  -Mel Brooks"
quoteArray[322]="\"As long as the world is turning and spinning, we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes.\"  -Mel Brooks"
quoteArray[323]="\"Bad taste is simply saying the truth before it should be said.\"  -Mel Brooks"
quoteArray[324]="\"Every human being has hundreds of separate people living under his skin. The talent of a writer is his ability to give them their separate names, identities, personalities and have them relate to other characters living with him.\"  -Mel Brooks"
quoteArray[325]="\"Everything we do in life is based on fear, especially love.\"  -Mel Brooks"
quoteArray[326]="\"He who hesitates is poor.\"  -Mel Brooks"
quoteArray[327]="\"Humor is just another defense against the universe.\"  -Mel Brooks"
quoteArray[328]="\"I don't believe in this business of being behind, better to be in front.\"  -Mel Brooks"
quoteArray[329]="\"I only direct in self-defense.\"  -Mel Brooks"
quoteArray[330]="\"If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.\"  -Mel Brooks"
quoteArray[331]="\"If presidents can't do it to their wives, they do it to their country.\"  -Mel Brooks"
quoteArray[332]="\"If Shaw and Einstein couldn't beat death, what chance have I got? Practically none.\"  -Mel Brooks"
quoteArray[333]="\"If you're quiet, you're not living. You've got to be noisy and colorful and lively.\"  -Mel Brooks"
quoteArray[334]="\"Life literally abounds in comedy if you just look around you.\"  -Mel Brooks"
quoteArray[335]="\"Look, I don't want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you're alive you've got to flap your arms and legs, you've got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you're not alive.\"  -Mel Brooks"
quoteArray[336]="\"Rhetoric does not get you anywhere, because Hitler and Mussolini are just as good at rhetoric. But if you can bring these people down with comedy, they stand no chance.\"  -Mel Brooks"
quoteArray[337]="\"These men both publicly and privately have done so much for me. Without Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick I would be living in a little motel just around the corner here, trying to make ends meet.\"  -Mel Brooks"
quoteArray[338]="\"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.\"  -Mel Brooks"
quoteArray[339]="\"We rest our case on the production numbers.\"  -Mel Brooks"
quoteArray[340]="\"We want to get people laughing; we don't want to offend anybody.\"  -Mel Brooks"
quoteArray[341]="\"Always do whatever's next.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[342]="\"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[343]="\"Atheism is a non-prophet organization.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[344]="\"By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[345]="\"Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[346]="\"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[347]="\"Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[348]="\"Electricity is really just organized lightning.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[349]="\"Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[350]="\"Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[351]="\"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[352]="\"I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that I do is the longest sentence?\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[353]="\"I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[354]="\"I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[355]="\"I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[356]="\"I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[357]="\"I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[358]="\"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Where's the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[359]="\"I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[360]="\"I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[361]="\"I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[362]="\"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[363]="\"If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[364]="\"If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[365]="\"In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[366]="\"Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[367]="\"Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[368]="\"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[369]="\"Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[370]="\"Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[371]="\"One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[372]="\"People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[373]="\"Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[374]="\"Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[375]="\"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[376]="\"The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[377]="\"The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[378]="\"The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[379]="\"There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[380]="\"There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[381]="\"Think off-center.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[382]="\"Weather forecast for tonight: dark.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[383]="\"Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[384]="\"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[385]="\"When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[386]="\"When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[387]="\"When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[388]="\"You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[389]="\"You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[390]="\"The status quo sucks.\"  -George Carlin"
quoteArray[391]="\"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. \"  -Steve Martin"
quoteArray[392]="\"An apology? Bah! Disgusting! Cowardly! Beneath the dignity of any gentleman, however wrong he might be.\"  -Steve Martin"
quoteArray[393]="\"Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!\"  -Steve Martin"
quoteArray[394]="\"Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.\"  -Steve Martin"
quoteArray[395]="\"Comedy may be big business but it isn't pretty.\"  -Steve Martin"
quoteArray[396]="\"Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.\"  -Steve Martin"
quoteArray[397]="\"Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town.\"  -Steve Martin"
quoteArray[398]="\"I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you're an idiot.\"  -Steve Martin"
quoteArray[399]="\"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.\"  -Steve Martin"
quoteArray[400]="\"I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.\"  -Steve Martin"
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