JOKES PAGE 20...........Musician Jokes & More!

	Saint Peter is checking in new arrivals in heaven.... "What did you do on Earth?" "I was a surgeon. I helped the lame to walk." "Well, go right on in through the Pearly Gates" "What did you do on Earth?" "I was a school teacher. I taught the blind to see." "Fine .. go right on in through the Pearly Gates!" "What did you do on Earth?" "I was a musician. I helped make sad people happy." "You can load in through the kitchen."
	A sax player dies and goes to the pearly gates. St Peter says sorry 'too much partying you have to go to the other place. The elevator doors open and he goes into a huge bar. All the greatest are on stage on a break. He goes over to Charlie Parker and says . Hey this can't be Hell all the best are playing here. Charlie say's hey man 'Karen Carpenter is on drums!
	This trumpet player was on the phone with his agent. He was concerned that he didn't have a gig in a while. His agent tells him; "Listen, there aren't any gigs out there, but I found you something. I got you a gig bagging lions." To which the trumpet player says, "What does that have to do with my playing. The agent then says "Look, the gig pays 100.00 for each lion that you bag, don't worry about playing" .At this point the trumpet player will take anything so he hangs up and flies to Africa. Not wanting to miss any practice time he takes his trumpet with him while looking for the lions. He notices a lion coming toward him and the only thing that he could think of doing is playing his horn. He starts to play a beautiful ballad. He then notices that the lion starts to get sleepy and eventually goes to sleep. He grabs the lion, bags him and throws him in the back of his truck. He goes a little further and sees another lion. Again he plays a beautiful ballad and again the lion falls asleep. This goes on all afternoon. The trumpet player has about 99 lions in his truck when he sees another. He says "What the heck, one more won't hurt". He starts to play his ballad and notices that the lion is not paying any attention to him so he starts to play louder. The lion starts to run toward the trumpet player. The trumpet player starts to play faster and faster but the lion keeps coming toward him. The lion jumps on the trumpet player and eats him. One of the lions on the truck turns to another lion and says, "I told you that when he gets to the deaf one the gig would be over".
	Why bury guitar players 6 feet under? Because deep down they're all very nice people..
	Late one day a local pub saw six guys walk in, obviously in pairs of two, sit down and order their favorite after-work drinks. The first two to seat themselves and be served by the bartender were two guys working at a major university whose I.Q.s were so high they could hardly be measured! They began discussing from Quantum Mechanics to the fine points of Particle Physics, either one as brilliantly as the other. The bartender then went over to the next pair who were "regular guys" with ordinary jobs, with average I.Q.s, schmoozing about how hard it was today to keep up with bill payments, how high taxes were, how corrupt politicians were and all the day-to-day struggles most everyone has. The last two the bartender served were two very badly educated, ill-mannered dolts with very low I.Q.s that could barely be measured on any I.Q. test. As soon as they'd ordered the bartender overheard one say to the other, "Oh, hey, I meant to ask ya, d'you use flatwound or roundwound on your bass?"
	What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor.
	How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb ? None...they just steal somebody else's light
	A drummer, sick of all the drummer jokes, decides to change his instrument. After some thought, he decides on the accordion. So he goes to the music store and says to the owner, "I'd like to look at the accordions, please." The owner gestures to a shelf in the corner and says "All our accordions are over there." After browsing, the drummer says, "I think I'd like the big red one in the corner." The store owner looks at him and says, "You're a drummer, aren't you?" The drummer, crestfallen, says, "How did you know?" The store owner says, "That `big red accordion' is the radiator."
	How many sopranos does it take to change a lightbulb? 1. One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her. 2. Two. One to hold the diet cola and the other to get her accompanist to do it. 3. Four. One to change the bulb and three to pull the chair out from under her.
	What's the difference between an alto and a tenor? Tenors don't have hair on their backs.
	What is the difference between a world war and a high school choral performance? The performance causes more suffering.
	Why do high school choruses travel so often? Keeps assassins guessing.
	How do you get two piccolo players to play in perfect unison? Shoot one.
	What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin ? Who cares - neither one's a guitar
	How many bar bands does it take to cover Mustang Sally? Evidently all of them.

	JOKES-PAGE 20