What Do You Call A Happy Cowboy?
A jolly rancher
A dinosaur, a spider, and a cowboy walk into a bar. All three
sit at the bar and begin drinking heavily, clearly distressed.
The bartender asks them what their troubles are. The Cowboy
takes a shot, then says "my horse got loose, ran into traffic,
and got hit by a semi truck carrying gasoline. Caused a whole
big explosion and blew my poor horse to bits." The spider nods
sympathetically. "I just lost my husband in that same fire. The
driver found him, freaked out, and crashed trying to squash my
dear
hubby." The bartender is in shock, but finally asks the
dinosaur his story. The dinosaur sniffed, took a sip from his
straw, and said "My whole family was on that truck"
Why Did the Bowlegged Cowboy Get Fired?
Because he couldn't
keep his calves together!
What do you call a mentally deficient cowboy on welfare?
Slow
on the draw.
What Do You Call Someone Who Wears Cowboy Clothes?
Ranch
dressin'
A lady went into a bar and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up
on a table. He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen. The woman
asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big
feet are well endowed. The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is,
little lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let
me prove it to you?" The woman wanted to find out for herself,
so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him
a $100 bill. Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm real
flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before."
"Don't be flattered. Take the money and buy yourself some boots
that fit."
How Did The Cowboy Ride Into Town On Friday & Ride Away Three
Days Later On Friday?
The horse's name was friday!
Two cowboys were riding through a canyon.
From far off they
heard the sound of drumming. One of them said, "I don't like the
sound of those drums." And a distant voice called out "He's not
our regular
drummer!"
What Sickness Did The Cowboy Get From Riding A Wild Horse?
Bronc-itis
A stagecoach pulls up, man 1 turns to his neighbour and says "I
bet you ten bucks that the first guy out bangs his head on the
doorframe" Man 2 accepts the bet. The first guy out banged his
head so man 2 pays up. Man 1 feels guilty and gives back the ten
bucks and says "I'm sorry, I saw this movie last week, It made
me feel bad taking your money." Man 2 says "So did I, but I
didn't think he'd be nuts enough to do it again."
Why Did The Cowboy Die With His Boots On?
Because he didn't
want to stub his toe when he kicked the bucket!
Two cowboys are sitting in a restaurant when a lady at the next
table begins choking on a piece of steak. One of the cowboys
jumps up grabs the lady, yanks down her panties, and plants a
big wet kiss firmly on her bottom. The startled woman coughs
loudly and out flies the piece of steak. As the cowboy returns
to the table, his friend says "I've heard of that 'hind lick'
maneuver but I've never seen it performed before."
A cowboy walks into a bar. He parked his horse outside and went
in for a beer bottle. After finishing it up he goes to leave and
his horse was stolen. The guy walks in again, gun in the air,
shoots the ceiling and shouts "You have until I finish up a
second beer bottle to return my horse, or else I will have to do
what I did in Texas, and I didn't like what I had to do." He
finishes his bottle and finds his horse right where it was.
Before leaving, The bartender asks him "Excuse me sir, but what
did you have to do in Texas?"
"I had to walk home"
Why Can't The Bankrupt Cowboy Complain?
He's got no beef!
Lots of violence could have been prevented in the old west If
only cowboy architects had made the towns big enough for
everyone.
Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his
ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the
other "You see that Indian?" "Yeah," says the other cowboy.
"Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground. He
can hear things for miles in any direction." Just then the
Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says, "about two miles
away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child,
household effects in wagon." "Incredible!" says the cowboy to
his friend. "This Indian knows how far away they are, how many
horses, what colour they are, who is in the wagon, and what is
in the wagon. Amazing!" The Indian looks up and says, "Ran over
me about a half hour ago."
Why Did The Cowboy Take Hay To Bed?
To feed his nightmares.
What Did The Cowboy Say When His Dog Left?
Doggone!
What is the difference between the X Games and the Dallas
Cowboy's cheerleaders?
The X Games is a group of Cunning
Stunts.
A big bad cowboy enters in the Saloon and asks: "Where is Billy
Joe?" A very old man in the shadows says: "Billy Joe? Thatt's
me!" The cowboy then punches and kicks the poor old man until he
is a wrecked thing on the floor. The cowboy is leaving when the
old man says: "Joke's on you! I am not Billy Joe!"
What Do You Call A Cowboy With Bad Gas?
Darn Tootin'
Why did the cowboy pinstripe his truck?
He needed a pickup
line.
Why Did The Cowboy Get A Lot Of Laughs?
Because he's always
horsing around!
A cowboy goes into a barbershop for a shave and a haircut. He
tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his
cheeks are wrinkled from age. The barber gets a little wooden
ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it
inside his cheek to spread out the skin. When the barber
finishes the shave, the old cowboy tells him that it is the
cleanest shave he's had in years. But he also wants to know what
would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed the little
ball.
The barber replies, "Just bring it back in a couple of
days like everyone else does."
What Did The Cowboy Say To The Pencil?
Draw, partner.
A cowboy emigrated to Wales
and opened a ranch at
Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch
Unfortunately, none of his cattle survived the branding.
Why Did The Cowboy Ride His Horse?
Because he was too heavy
to carry.
A cowboy is camping when one morning he sees an Indian
ride by on a horse, with his wife walking behind carrying all
her things by hand. The next day, the same thing, the Indian
rides by on his horse with his wife trailing behind carrying all
her things by hand. On the third day, the Indian passes by
again, but this time the Cowboy stops him and says, "Hey why are
you riding the horse and she has to walk and carry everything by
hand?" The Indian looks at him and says, "Well, she doesn't have
a horse."
Where Do Cowboys Cook Their Meals?
On the range.
What Advice Do Cowboys Give?
Turn the udder cheek and
mooooooove on.
A cowboy told his grandson the secret to a long life is to
sprinkle a little gunpowder into your oatmeal.
The grandson
took his words seriously and ate gunpowder sprinkled oatmeal
everyday. He lived to the ripe old age of 96. When he died, he
left behind 4 children, 9 grandchildren, 13 great grandchildren
and one 16 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
How Does A Cowboy Get A Horse To Do Odd Jobs Around The Farm?
By paying him under the stable!
What did the cowboy say at his second rodeo?
"This ain't my
first rodeo"
How do space cowboys wrangle their cattle?
A tractor beam
A cowboy enters an outhouse and hears a noise down the hole
He looks down it and notices a Native American
A cowboy is captured by indians. The chief tells the cowboy
they'll grant 3 requests before they scalp him. The cowboy
thinks a minute then says, " I wish to say goodbye to my horse
then to set him free." So they bring him his horse, he whispers
in its ear then sets him off into the sunset. He tells the chief
he needs to mull over the third request and the chief agrees to
wait until sunset. As the sun dips in the sky, here comes the
horse back, with a beautiful brunette in the saddle. "Is this
your last request?" the chief asks. "Uh, no," says the cowboy.
"My last request is to say goodbye to my horse once more."
"Ok..." says the chief. The cowboy leans into his horses ear and
hisses,
"You idiot! I said 'Posse! Posse!"
Why Did the Cowboy's Car Stop?
It had injun trouble.
Who wears a cowboy hat, black leather jacket with studs, cowboy
boots, a big silver belt buckle, and black lipstick?
Goth
Brooks
What is it called when a cowboy dies and comes back to life?
Reintarnation
What Do You Call A Cowboy With A Truckload Of Sheep?
A pimp!
Why didn't the cowboy believe the italicized headline about his
recent demise?
Because it had shifty i's, that's why.
What Did The Cowboy Maggot Say At The Bar?
Gimme a slug of
whiskey.
A cowboy thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there
were only 97. So he rounded them up.
Who Do Zombie Cowboys Fight?
Deadskins!
When do cowboys like to smoke weed?
High noon.
Why did the cowboy want to buy a dachshund?
To git along
little doggie
How Do Cowboys Like their Duck?
A L'arange
Cowboy 1: Can you think of anything worse than being scalped
alive?
Cowboy 2: Not off the top of my head.
What Do You Call A Cowboy Who Helps Out At School?
The deputy
head!
What do you call it after cowboys eat beans at high noon?
A
toot-out at the O.K. Corral.
Who's In Cowboy Films But Always Broke?
Skint Eastwood
How do German Cowboys greet each other?
Audi.
What Did The Horse Say When It Fell?
"I've fallen and I can't
giddyup!"
There are 5 flies in a kitchen. Which one is the cowboy?
It's
the one on the range.
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