Where do Italian gangsters live?
In the spaghetto.
What do you call a gangster with clean teeth?
Oral-G
5 gangsters calmly walk into a bar. Immediately, a woman rushes
up to them and starts yelling at them to get out. "What are you
doing!?" yells the bartender. "They haven't even been here for
two minutes!" "Well," the woman retorts. "I've heard that
5G's are bad for the environment!"
A gangster in Soviet prison goes to the doctor. "Doctor, I'm
feeling sick." The doctor frowns and takes a good look at
him. "Have you been drinking?"
"Yes, doctor..."
"Then come back tomorrow when you've sobered up." The next
day, the convict shows up at the doctor's again. "Doctor, I'm
still not feeling well."
"Are you sober?"
"I haven't had a
drop since yesterday!"
Concerned, the doctor tells the man,
"Then you should have a drink, it will make you feel better."
Son: "Mom, someone called me gangster at school today."
Mom:
"Dont worry I'll go tomorrow and solve this problem."
Son:
"Make sure it looks like an accident."
What do you call a gangster who believes in double standards?
A hypocrip.
Never bother a gangster the night before he goes on vacation.
He's probably packing.
Five gangsters walk past a local diner
The owner runs out the
door and up to them saying, "Excuse me, I've got a problem and
you're the only ones who can solve it!"
The gangsters
look at each other confused and ask, "What, why us man?"
"I'll explain later, just come with me!" The owner replies. The
curious gangsters follow the owner into the diner, and then they
enter the kitchen. In the back, a man is furiously scrubbing
metal pots and pans so hard that he's damaging them.
The
owner points at the man and says, "My new dishwasher guy is
scrubbing the dishes too hard! He's scratching them up and
refusing to stop! At this rate, I'm going to have to replace all
my dishes!"
One of the gangsters rolls his eyes and says
to another gangster, "Yo G, I got this."
The gangster taps
the dishwasher on the shoulder and says, "Dude, ease up on those
dishes."
But the man keeps scrubbing. Another one of the
gangsters says, "That won't do it, G," and he tries to spin the
dishwasher around to face them, but the dishwasher man won't
budge. "C'mon idiot, ease up on those
dishes!"
But the
man is still scrubbing. The third and fourth gangsters try
shouting in the man's ears, "EASE UP ON THOSE DAMN DISHES!"
But the man scrubs away. Finally, the fifth gangster has had
enough and start pulling on the dishwasher to get him away from
the sink and the dishes. Another G joins in, followed by the
rest, pulling as hard as they
can.
But it's no use,
and they all fall to the floor exhausted while the dishwasher
keeps scrubbing, no sign of easing up on the poor dishes.
The owner is shocked and shakes his head in disbelief, "I
can't believe it, I was sure this would work."
The fifth
gangster looks at him exasperated and says, "Dude, why the hell
did you think this would work? What can five gangsters do
against a dishwasher who's basically superman?"
The owner
replies, "I know it sounded crazy and I had no evidence to prove
it, but I really thought that 5Gs could cause dish ease."
Where do gambling gangsters go after they die?
To the
Gangster's-Pair-a-Dice.
'Everybody's a gangster until they get punched in the mouth.' -
Mike Tyson
And after that, everybody's a gangthter.
If I were a gangster my name would be mitochondria because when
I would get arrested I would be the powerhouse of the cell.
Why did the gangster stand under the tree?
Because it was
shady.
Why did the gangster have to keep seeing the eye doctor?
Because he had glock-oma.
What do you call gangsters living in the woods?
Cottage G's.
What's a gangster's least favorite food?
Snitchel.
What do you call a gangster who wears eyeliner?
An emoji.
How do gangsters receive communications?
Gmail.
Have you heard about the hobo gangster?
Word on the street is
he's roofless.
What killed all the 1920's gangsters?
Hepatitis, see!
What were the last words of an Italian gangster?
Who the hell
put a violin in my violin case?
What would you call a Jewish, Reggae Artist, and a Gangster?
Jew-Mon-G
What did the Mexican gangster say to the house when it fell on
top of him?
Get off me homes!!
Why do gangsters hold their guns sideways?
Because that's the
way it came in the box.
What does a gangster on an island say when they see a
non-electric car?
Madagascar
What do you call a gangster horse?
Al Capony.
What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his
exams?
"Dad, they questioned me for 3 hours, but I never told
them anything!"
How can you tell if your farmer is a certified gangster?
His
cornrows are always straight
Why did the 1920's gangster get scurvy?
NYAH, 'CAUSE HE
DIDN'T TAKE HIS VITAMIN, SEE!
What do you get when you cross a gangster and a serial killer?
Murdered.
Did you hear about the gangster that died and whom everyone
despised?
He was unbereavable.
Why isn't the word gangster pronounced [Jang-ster]?
Because
there ain't no such thing as a soft 'G.'
What do you call it when a gangster accidentally kills a fellow
gang member?
Homiecide.
Gangsters come into sport shop and one says: "Hey Fred we need
to beat some guys up!"
Fred: "Hmmm this baseball bat should
be good. It has a signature of Babe Ruth!"
"Fred is this
really Babe Ruth's signature?"
Fred: "No but if you beat
those guys hard they will not ask about this."
A mob boss sends two of his men to kill a gangster. They park
outside his house half an hour before his expected return, check
their guns, and wait. Half an hour later, the gangster's not
there. They keep waiting in silence, an hour passes - and he's
not there. Time passes, and the target is still not home.
Finally, one of the hitmen looks at the watch and says: "We've
been here for three hours, and he still ain't showed up."
"Jeez," the other hitman says, "I hope nothing happened to him."
A Hippo wants to join the local hippo gang. While speaking with
the gang leader he's told in order to join the gang he must have
respect for his brothers and impeccable manners. He nods his
head and let's the leader know he was raised in a noble, high
class family. These things came easy to him. The hippo struts
out of the leaders room, holding his head high proud to be a new
gang member. He greets the gangsters outside calling them his
brothers, only to be called nasty names and laughed at by them.
"Damn Hippocrips!", yells the hippo as he runs away.
A woman is pregnant with triplets. One day, a gangster shot her
three times in a stomach for a gang initiation. After spending a
few months in the hospital, the doctor declared that she made a
mysterious recovery and allowed her to return home. She gave
birth to 2 girls and 1 boy. 16 years later, one of her daughters
walked into her room carrying a bullet. She explained that it
fell out while she was using the bathroom. So her mother
explained the story about the gangster. Her second daughter
walked in puzzled, also holding a bullet. So her mother
explained the story again. Finally, her son entered the room
crying. His mom said "Let me guess, you were using the bathroom
and a bullet came out?" He said: "No, I was jacking off and shot
the dog"
I recently inherited an antique set of loaded dice from my
grandfather. They used to belong to Al Capone himself. In other
words, we've been spending most our lives living with a
gangster's pair of dice.
I decided at a young age that I would get buried in the same way
as my father. Unfortunately gangsters buried him alive
Side
note: could someone please send help?
I am not a pimpstagram
Said the gangster to his grandma.
What's the head of the underwater mafia called?
The
Codfather.
Whats the difference between the mafia and an acting troupe?
When the Mafia says break a leg, they mean someone else's.
What do you call a butler in the mafia?
A maid man.
What do you call a guinea pig that has become a member of the
mafia?
A hamster.
Did you hear about the mafia Don with memory problems?
He
kept making people offers he couldn't remember.
Why was the mafia boss surprised when the Spanish hitman missed
his shot
He didn't expect the Spanish Imprecision.
If Caitlyn Jenner joins the mafia
Would she become a made man
or a self-made woman?
Just heard that the mafia hired a mime to do their dity work.
You ask why.
Because they don't say a word when questioned.
Why do politicians, bankers and mafia bosses like to play golf?
Because you can play that in handcuffs too.
Mafia goons boiled a man to death in an industrial pasta cooker.
Police are still trying to al dentefy the victim.
Authorities fear that the collapsed bridge in Genoa was made
with 'Mafia'
concrete.....
....they've found 6 more bodies
than there were people missing.
If the Mafia took over the Paparazzi
it would be a flash mob.
An italian mafia man got in to a Mercedes-Benz model taxi. As he
was sitting in the back, he asked the driver: "why is that hood
ornament sticking out like that in mercs?"
The driver
answered jokingly: "So it would be easier to aim when driving
over pedestrians. See that old lady crossing the road over
there?" The driver started to acclerate towards her and on the
last moment steered away so he didnt hit her. "what was that
sound?" the driver asked.
"you missed her, so I got her with
my door"
How does the Prague mafia mark its territory?
With a Czech
mark.
What's the difference between the Mafia and the Government.
One of them is organised.
What are the mafia's most favorite noodles?
Pasta asciutta.
Did you hear about the actor who only won an award because of
the Italian mafia?
It turns out they really know how to rig a
Tony.
Mob bosses who date both men and women are tollerated in the
Mafia...
... they let bi-Dons be bi-Dons.
The mafia visited the local pizzeria for extortion money.
They wanted their piece of the pie.
What do you call a mafia boss' key?
A don-key
Why doesn't the mafia like elephants?
Bodies don't fit in the
trunk.
A mafia boss walks in to see a whale in the torture room.
Whale whale whale, look who we got here!
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